no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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