Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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