Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
