I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
