Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
