i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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