just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize