I've blown a few things in my day
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
