distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
