I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
