Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
