I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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