Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
