you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic