we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes