He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!