ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back