I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
