Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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