so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
