He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
