I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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