I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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