he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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