I heard we made out
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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