How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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