So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
