Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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