Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
