Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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