I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
