also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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