update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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