She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize