Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
