She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
