If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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