i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
