Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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