Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
