I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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