So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
