We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
