I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
