She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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