I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
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Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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