I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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