I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
