To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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