I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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