so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
