Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
