i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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