yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
