I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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