I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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