you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
