You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just invented taco cereal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
