Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
