Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
