whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
