you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
