its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
