I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
