why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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