I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I looked at my own cervix.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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