I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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