dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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