yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
